I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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