If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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