evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
NoShamevember. You game?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
