So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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