Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
