I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
