If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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