i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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