I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
