yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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