Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
