u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
