Your face is a jimmy john
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
