My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
