i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
