Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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