the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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