Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
