we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How does it feel to date your dad?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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