apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
