my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
