I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
