It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
