found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
