My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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