Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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