Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
