I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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