I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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