I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
