New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Boobs are out for the taking
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
