At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
