And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
