cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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