You work out of a Hotel?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
