I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
