Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
