Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
