Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
