so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
