he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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