Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
