i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
