i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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