Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
