I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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