Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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