she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
