My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm jealous of your bromance
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
