Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
