Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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