I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
