literally had 100 drinks last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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