eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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