I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
